After spending nearly a decade dwelling in the same cramp apartment, Heather and I recently bought a house. Overall it has been an odd experience in “adulting” for me. In the apartment there was a carefree attitude towards appliances, roofs, lawns and plumbing. Now when walking up to the front door I find myself side eyeing the lawn and whispering a silent prayer of thanks to Crom for the neighbors whose landscaping is haphazard and overgrown. I fear my next door neighbors finding out how very little I know of mulch or what constitutes as a weed. Then once inside, my nerves twist during high winds (which we have often in Oklahoma) or whenever the toilet is flushed, fully convinced that costly repairs might be needed at any moment. I am happy for the change, but long for the days of stress free apartment living.
Buying appliances is one more area that has given me all the anxious “feels”. I love getting those “out of box deals” major retail stores offer but then I always worry that there is something seriously wrong hidden, just waiting to reveal itself days after the store’s warranty expires. I have tried more than once to cozy up to the sales person with a bump of my elbow and say “Between you and me, what’s wrong with it? I’ll still buy it but ya know.. whats the mark down in price really for?”.
This ploy absolutely never works. Not once. It actually has the opposite effect, much like a fish asking “Ok.. the worm you have on the line looks tasty.. and I’m gonna bite.. but.. is there a hook in it? Be honest.” to which the fisherman answers with a wolf’s smile “No, Mr. Fish. Nothing in that worm but more worms, even tastier worms.”.
Buying discounted appliances just smacks of modern consumer Lovecraft to me and nothing made me happier than seeing a refrigerator fit for C’thulu.